


When the Laughter Breaks

by firbolging



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Canon Typical References to Fire and Injury, F/M, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, POV Caleb Widogast, POV Second Person, Self-Loathing Caleb Widogast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 19:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20179753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firbolging/pseuds/firbolging
Summary: “Will you tell me another story?” she asks, head falling onto your shoulder.It’s a light burn, but a burn all the same. You always did like the feeling of fire.“I think I have used up my best ones,” you reply because your mind is fogged by the touch. “Will you tell me one of yours?”





	When the Laughter Breaks

Confidence has gotten the better of you for the last time. It will end here, cold drops of water trickling from the dark, damp ceiling. You are used to discomfort, of course. But that doesn’t mean you can sleep. Not when she is shivering beside you, having given up, hours ago, on any word from the God she worships.

You glance at her because you cannot stop worrying. You look away a second later because you have nothing to offer.

It would have been easier, you think, if they’d bound your hands as well as your magic. The desire to reach out and hold her will not fade, but you know it would be more of a comfort to you than to her.

So you fill the silence instead. And you do not touch her.

“Where did you learn all these stories?” she asks.

“I read a lot.”

“Not storybooks.”

“I like all kinds of books. And some of the most reliable information is found in storybooks.”

“Especially the smut.”

“Oh, ja.”

She giggles, tentatively. It’s like an elbow in the chest leaving you breathless and bruised. You are broken enough that you miss the sensation the minute it numbs.

She is still looking at you, on the precipice of speaking. You are not uncomfortable with silence in the way that she is so you wait for the words to come to her.

“I was thinking,” she says. “It’s funny what stops being important when you’re probably going to die.”

“You’re not going to die.”

“You think we’re getting out?”

“You’re getting out. I will make sure of it.”

“And what about you?”

You snort. What does it matter? What does anything matter anymore? Your time is stolen as it is. Your journey as circular as it is selfish.

There was never going to be a happy ending for you.

But Jester is so much more, so much better. A happy ending should be honoured to be worthy of her.

“Caleb, I’m not leaving you,” she says, serious, almost annoyed. “We’re getting out together.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

“But, you know, if it comes down to it, if it’s between you and me-”

“It won’t.”

Her voice is firm and it shakes, momentarily, the sceptic out of you. You catch a glimpse of a possible future. And it is as sour as the past.

So caught up in yourself, you only realise now that she is holding back tears.

“I am sorry,” you say quickly, shifting closer to her, forgetting your place. “I shouldn’t say such things. It doesn’t help to be hopeless.”

“Nope,” she says, lips smacking and punctuating her point.

It is then that she seems to notice their proximity. She looks at the inches between their legs and moves until no inches remain.

“Will you tell me another story?” she asks, head falling onto your shoulder.

It’s a light burn, but a burn all the same. You always did like the feeling of fire.

“I think I have used up my best ones,” you reply because your mind is fogged by the touch. “Will you tell me one of yours?”

She talks for hours and she doesn’t stop moving throughout. Her legs cross your lap. Her fingers play with your hair. She stands to act out a scene and she kneels before you with something akin to reverence as laughter bursts from you, as your face reddens.

When the laughter breaks, she is still staring.

“Caleb, can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“Even if it might make things a little weird?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know,” she says, “If I felt something. About you?”

Vulnerability bleeds from her. You want further clarification because she cannot mean what you think she means. She cannot. And yet. There is no denying it. Not when she looks at you like that.

“Sometimes, you know,” you say, trying and failing to keep your voice steady. “We feel things in the moment that we would never feel under regular circumstances. I would not want you to tell me something if it’s something you regret saying later.”

With a coy smile, she says, “Are you saying you love me in the moment, Caleb?”

“Oh, Jester,” you say. And you say it with a laugh because it is as ridiculous a truth as it is a painful one. “I love you in every moment.”

The smile on her face breaks with the choked sob that refuses to stay choked.

“Caleb,” she whispers, something close to a plea.

You cannot look at her for a second longer. You stare at your hands instead and you want to pull your fingernails clean off, to bend the knuckle back until it breaks, to hold fire between your palms until the flames lick burns all over.

If your hands were no longer your own then maybe you could learn to touch gently; to be touched.

Her fingertips graze the scruff of your jaw. You cannot look at her. You cannot. You cannot. You cannot look away.

Tears are running down her cheeks, fat and free. She makes no effort to brush them off.

“I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry,” you say.

You would say it for longer, but she is trying to press a kiss to your mouth. You force yourself to not respond. If you do not have the strength to push her away, the least you can do is refuse her.

You cannot kiss her. You should not.

Selfish and circular.

You press back and feel her smile.

It almost tastes sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> no I don't know why they're in that cell but does it really matter
> 
> thanks for reading I love you please comment if you enjoyed <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] When the Laughter Breaks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23069326) by [GoLBPodfics (GodOfLaundryBaskets)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodOfLaundryBaskets/pseuds/GoLBPodfics)


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